School Anxiety: How to Help Your Child
“I don’t WANT to go to school!”
Every parent hears this from their child at one time or another. All children have occasional butterflies during the school day. It is normal to
be nervous about giving a speech or taking that big test. But some children experience persistent and excessive worry at school or while thinking about school at home.
A growing body of evidence shows that anxiety disorders are one of the most common psychiatric conditions among children. Many children feel overwhelmed by demands. Standards in school curriculum are higher than ever. Kids who aren’t great test-takers may feel that they can’t keep up, and many children are given hours of homework every night without being actually taught how to study. Many anxious children have anxious parents or may be sensitive to their parents’ fear and anxiety. Kids who have trouble fitting in at school
are at risk for school anxiety. Tweens are especially vulnerable, and bullying at school may also be a contributing factor.
While some of these issues provide important opportunities for growth, they must be handled with care and can cause anxiety that must be dealt with.
So what is a parent to do? How can you help your child?
First and foremost, LISTEN to your child. Don’t make light of his anxieties. Since your child may be feeling out of control, it is important to keep your own anxiety and worry in check. Try to stay calm. Reassure your child that together you will work on the problem and that things WILL get better!
Lots of kids resist going to school. So how do parents recognize true anxiety? Usually children with true school anxiety will show a range of symptoms, such as frequently talking about their fear of school, suddenly becoming unusually clingy, or complaining of frequent headaches or stomachaches. They may suddenly develop problems sleeping or ask to sleep with their parents.
Something to note: kids with true school anxiety struggle with it every day of school. It’s not something they have one day but not the next. Always have your child’s physical complaints checked out by the doctor first to rule out any real medical problem. Parents do need to be firm about their child’s not missing school. Tell them that just as it is your job to go to work every day or stay home and take care of the household, it is their job to go to school. Tell your child that it is normal to feel a little scared in new situations, but that doesn’t mean he should stay home or that he won’t enjoy himself. Remind him of new situations he has dealt with, such as spending the night at his grandparents’ house that first time
without you. Remind him that although it was hard at first, later he was glad he did it.
Talk to your child’s teacher.
Ask if there is a possibility of a learning disorder and have your child tested. Ask if the teacher has noticed any bullying going on. Also, while most teachers do their best to provide students with a positive classroom experience, some students are better suited for certain teaching styles and classroom types than others. If there’s a mismatch between student and teacher, a child can form lasting negative feelings about school or her own
abilities.
Reduce stress at home. This can be a tough one. It’s very important to become a role model of good coping skills when it
comes to stress and managing problems. Take good care of yourself and watch others around you benefit.
Friends can also be a source of stress. Concerns about not having enough friends, not being in the same class as friends, not being able to keep up with friends in one particular area or another, interpersonal conflicts, and peer pressure are a few of the very common ways kids can be stressed by their social lives at school. Dealing with these issues alone can cause anxiety in even the most secure kids.
If you have a pre-schooler or kindergartener who is just starting school, arrange for a tour before school starts and have your child meet her
teacher. Arrange for some playdates with some new classmates before school begins for the year, and also during the school year. This can put your child in a situation that makes her just a little nervous so she can see that she can handle it.
When should you seek professional help? If you have tried to help your child overcome school anxiety for several weeks and the anxiety is interfering with your child’s enjoyment of other areas of life, it’s time to get some outside assistance. If she is having trouble
sleeping regularly, is isolating herself, or is always worried or sad, then it’s time to have her evaluated by a mental health professional. Be sure that the counselor, your child’s teacher, and you work together as a team.
The Anxiety Disorders Association of America (www.adaa.org) provides information and checklists for parents to find professional help for their children or to find a therapist who treats anxiety disorders in
your area.
Don’t be afraid to hope.
“I believe in you” are powerful words for your child to hear from you. Talk about how you are confident he will overcome this rough patch and emerge stronger. Discuss how learning something new is never a waste of time and is a critical part of growing up.
YOU are your child’s best hope! Don’t give up!
Blessings to you,
Nurse Anne
